I Feel Pretty...NOT!

"This is hideous, just hideous!"

Okay...so we all know that pregnancy can sometimes give a woman permission to let herself go a bit. That was the one thing I swore I wouldn't do when I found out I had a bun in the oven, but guess what? I fell into the trap. It's just now hitting me, but I've gained way too much weight in my last trimester. I can't believe I fell off the wagon, man. I was doing great until the last 3 months. I blame it on the fun times of summer and the fact that I didn't give myself any time off from work or taking care of Dave's kids after the baby was born.

I took a bath this afternoon when Dave came home from work. Afterward, I made my way toward the mirror, saying to myself, "I feel pretty, I feel pretty." So I proceeded and the face staring back at me was anything BUT pretty. My skin is starting to break out, my hair is frizzy, I'm in desperate need of an eyebrow wax and I'm so tired that I could've fallen over. Ugh. Behind me lies the scale and all I could think was, "Whatever you do Cristin, don't step on that thing. It's the Devil...THE DEVIL, I tell ya!" and so I didn't. My spirit had already taken a hit from the mirror and I didn't need another whack. Here's the silver lining though: when I gazed into that wretched mirror, I did see myself as good mother who feels blessed to have her son. Yes, I am a good mother. Thank God for that! I still wanna feel pretty though, LOL.

Since I am a new mother, I decided that the best way to go in effort to reclaim my physical self, or what I believe is acceptable, is to take "baby steps". I gained 54 lbs during my pregnancy and lost 32 within the first 3 weeks. My son is now 5 weeks and though I've been eating right and working out, I believe I've reached my first plateu. Not cool. So I will keep up with that and start saying, "I am pretty, I am pretty" until the shit actually happens. Here are the "baby steps" I've decided to take to get me where I need to go:

* Work out regularly
* Stay on my "real food" diet
* Get my hair done like a normal woman does (not every 6 mos like I do)
* Wax those brows often
* Give myself regular facials
* Get a mani/pedi once a month
* Take my mystical baths everyday
* Take one short nap a day until I no longer need it
* Meditate for at least 30 minutes a day
* Keep my house clean (no matter what the kids do to it afterward)
* Spend at least 4 hours a day (5 days a week) working
* Start a new hobby

With the help of my boyfriend, I know I can do it all! I did everything on the above list consistently before I got knocked up and I was a very happy woman. I think being happy on the inside contributes to at least 70% of how you look on the outside. If you feel like shit, you look like shit. If you don't believe you're pretty, you aren't. That's me right about now and I'm already sick of myself. Thank God, because you really aren't open to change unless you've hit your rock bottom...and I've hit mine.

What is a real food diet?
I don't believe in man made religions, so why would I trust in a man made diet? I know my body and what food it responds favorably to. I call my method a real food diet because I just spend more time at the grocery store buying real, fresh (mostly organic) food. I spend time cooking instead of going for the Lean Cousine. That's processed and isn't as good for you as "they" want you to believe. So it's 3 balanced meals coupled with 3 small, healthy snacks per day and not eating after 8pm. I allow myself treats once in a while because I'm not psychotic.

What is a mystical bath?
Technically, it's not really mystical, I just believe it is. I use candles, oils and bath salts I get from the mystical store. My bathroom is lit up with a million candles as I soak in the tub with the oils or bath salts and listen to new age music for about 30 minutes. During this time I'm usually drowning out my boyfriend who is yelling at the TV because his Chicago Bears aren't scoring touchdowns. I consider this my alone time and I try my best to care about nothing except staying connected to my higher self.

I don't know if I should give credit to the mirror or if it's just my time, but I'm completely motivated and not just with sprucing up my physical appearance. I'm so ready to polish up my career path, re-decorate my condo and finally get my home office looking the way I had dreamed prior to moving in here. I let my pregnancy slow me down so much, which I'm sure is perfectly normal, but now I'm ready to move into the next phase of my life. There may never be a day when everything will go exactly according to plan so I figured that I should take the bull by the horns and just do it now.