God and His Middle Finger

Anyone who has been around me in the last 10 years knows that I have been very against the “white picket fence” lifestyle. That would be the whole getting married, having babies and living happily ever after deal. I must have said NEVER a million times! So when I met Dave back in March at a wedding, naturally I brushed him off with a “hell no!” when I found out he was younger, divorced with 2 kids.

I couldn’t get him to leave me alone, but I couldn’t stop picking up the phone either and eventually we were in a full blown relationship. I integrated myself in his kids’ lives, drama and all. Every time I tried to sabotage the relationship, God would come down, shove his middle finger in my face as if to say, “Hey dumbass, this guy is fantastic. What do you think you’re doing, you fool!”

Fast forwarding some months later, I took him to Michigan to meet some friends and my family. We came back to Ohio to find out that God had put the smack down on me yet again. I missed my period and my pregnancy test came back positive. I was shocked, of course. I couldn’t believe it was even possible since I was on my period and used condoms with spermacide, but lo and behold, a baby is on the way. I feel like I haven’t had any control over the happenings in this relationship since day one. I know that’s not really true, but it feels that way.

WEEKS 5-6
I found out I was pregnant and it took me about 24 hours for me to “get it”. I finally accepted it and went with my friend Nikki to get my confirmation. I was told I was 5 weeks.

The minor abdominal cramping began and I started having daily bouts of bleeding. I freaked out and called my doctor to move my appointment up a week. I had my first OB appointment on December 10th. They served me up to a crotch cam and everything was fine. I saw this thing in my uterus that looked like a worm with a heart beat and I cried like a baby. I was told I was approaching 6 weeks. It measured 0.46cm.


WEEK 7-
Still bleeding, but this week I passed every bloody color of the rainbow coupled with strange mucus blobs. When I saw a blood clot, I made another appointment. This time I had a male doctor who gave me the CC (crotch cam) again and everything appeared to be normal. Here I am having my cervix scraped and all Dave did was stare longingly at the 20 inch LCD monitor, with stars in his eyes. He's such a typical male, I tell ya.

I was informed that nothing was to be put up in the vagina (no tampons or sex). Now why would a pregnant woman use a tampon? I wasn’t bleeding THAT bad, lol. You should’ve seen Dave’s face when he heard “no intercourse for 2 weeks”. Poor guy! I didn’t have a problem with that because I feel like the baby has sealed off my vagina anyway.

I’m getting sick of doctors asking me if I feel pregnant. All I feel is extended PMS symptoms because it’s too soon for baby action at this point. The Dr. told me I was 7.6 weeks, which I felt was more accurate. This time, the little worm has transformed into a tadpole, clearly showing its head, hands and feet, measuring 1.46 cm. I didn’t see a heartbeat and asked the Dr. to show it to me. He did and my little one was beating at 150. I'm due 7/29/08. Yay, now I can relax.


WEEK 8-
I went to Michigan to visit friends and family. Before I got there, one of my best friends Dawn told me that she was late. She took a pregnancy test and it came back positive!! She’ll be due approximately 4 weeks after me and I’m so excited. It’s too bad she’s in MI and I’m in OH, but we’ll be pregnant together.

The bleeding finally subsided. I’m tired, my boobs are the size of cantaloupes, I’m bloated big time, eating every hour and peeing every 20-30 minutes. Ugh. Taking 3 ½ hour naps in the middle of the day messed up my work schedule. It’s slow enough during the holidays and I’m getting frustrated.

Dave and I talked about names for the baby. He expressed his desire to not be left out of the decisions, which I understand, but I’m stuck on my own names. I’ve asked him for some, but he hasn’t been able to come up with any yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to give the baby Dave’s last name and not mine, however, he suggested we hyphenate it (Lentine-Andrus). I didn’t even have to prompt him.

He also told me that ideally he’d like to get married, but doesn’t want to take my independence away since it’s so important to me. So here it is, God’s middle finger being shoved in my face and I feel like an asshole…again!

I’ve cut down my smoking from 2 packs a day to under a pack. I am not able to quit right now, but the ciggs are starting to taste bad. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to stop eventually on my own. I’m being realistic about it though.

WEEK 9-
I'm getting over a cold. I'm allowed to take Tylenol products and it seems to be working fabulously. I had to buy my first pair of maternity jeans, size 10. Thank God because this bloating is massive and normal jeans aren’t comfortable. I’m hoping I can get about 4 more months out of them. My friends laugh when I tell them I’m bloated. They say, “You’re not bloated, you’re pregnant!” Really? I wasn’t aware of that fact, lol.

I’m feeling really guilty that I can’t play with Dave’s kids like I used to. My mom had a miscarriage after picking me up and lifting me over her head, so I’m trying to refrain from carrying Halle all the time. She’s actually heavier than Trenity, if you can believe that. I’m telling them that I have a bad back, until I can no longer hide the pregnancy and we can tell them the truth.

Still no bleeding, woo hoo!

WEEK 10-
I told Dave that if he’s not careful, I’ll fart him right out of the apartment. The flatulence is terrible. I’m waking up anywhere from 4:30 to 7am with gas pains so strong I feel like I’m having a miscarriage. The bathroom is becoming the second most used room in my place these days. Once I’m awake in the morning, I can’t go back to sleep.

Now I’m getting consistent heartburn. It’s relatively mild, but still annoying. I‘m experiencing more light, stretchy cramps. I wish my PMS symptoms would be as lovely as this pregnancy. Why I suffered so much then and not now is beyond me. I think it’s BS. Being laid up and tired has been inconsistent this week, allowing me to work more and I’m very happy about that.

My dreams have turned psychotically weird. I know that’s nuts coming from me of all people, but dreaming about murder and ice cream parlors the size of amusement parks next to Taco Bell is just insane, lol. I’ve had 3 hints of having a girl in my dreams, but I’m still longing for a boy. I won’t find out until 20 weeks, but I’m finally starting to accept that having a girl is a real possibility.

No more bleeding. I don't understand why I was so different than my mom and Laura. I'm just grateful it's over. I haven't gained a single pound yet, but I'm sure that will change once I start my second trimester. I guess that'll be my birthday gift. 29 years old, knocked up and fat. Nice.

So now we’re up to date. I have my next OB appointment on Tuesday, Jan. 8th and I’m having another ultrasound. No CC, thank God! Those are terribly uncomfortable, even with the jelly lube. I’m hoping to hear the baby’s heartbeat this time with the Doppler.