Wake-Up Call

Tomorrow I will start my 15th week of pregnancy. I can’t believe how time flies by. Just yesterday I found out I was pregnant and now we only have 5 more weeks until my next ultrasound and we find out the sex.

This week has been nuts since day one. Dave received a call on Sunday that his brother-in-law dropped dead at age 35. It’s a horrible situation with him leaving Dave’s sister and their 2 daughters, ages 7 and 4. He died in his sleep and the autopsy report came back inconclusive so we’ll never know exactly what caused him to depart suddenly. Dave had the entire week off of work and we spent most of the time taking care of his sister, shopping for clothes and going out of town for the funeral.

In the midst of the craziness, we did find and apply for a condo that is absolutely perfect. That was one of the major things stressing me out the most in the last couple of months. I hate moving, but it’s necessary now that we need to put a roof over 5 heads. It has everything we both want and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll get approved. If we do, we’re slated to move by mid March. We won’t have much time to dispose of stuff we no longer need, clean up our apartments and pack, but this place is worth it.

I had some epiphanies yesterday. I know that I’m grateful for everything I have, but there’s a part of me that feels like I’m not doing enough. Here today, gone tomorrow so young is truly a wake-up call. I started thinking about my life and how rigid I can be when it comes to my standards. I preach about letting go of emotional bullshit and I do my best in my own life, but after experiencing this particular funeral and spending time with Dave’s family, I believe I can do better.

I fought my relationship from the very beginning and no matter what I tried to do, God shoved his middle finger in my face and gave me the opposite of what I said I wanted. Was I right? Hell no, lol! Someone sent me an email and said, “If you want God to laugh, tell him your plans.” Boy was she right. Letting go is tough, no matter what you’re focusing on.

I didn’t realize how severe my family issues were until a good friend of mine pointed it out and I put myself in Dave’s family situation. I was sadly mistaken thinking that I had released those demons from my past. I’m going to have a child of my own and I have to clean up my act. Now I feel like I can and this time I’m going to make sure no stone is left unturned.

PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS FOR THIS WEEK:

* Expanding boobies
* Minor stretchy cramps
* Constipation (damnit!)

Tuesday I have my next OB appointment and I’m excited. I always feel better after I go to the doctor. Sometimes I don’t even feel pregnant and wonder if there’s actually something in there. I’m hoping they will let me hear its heartbeat with the Doppler.